My husband and I decided to start a family sometime in early 2008. Like any other naive couple about to embark on the journey to parenthood we figured it would be relatively easy. I mean, we spend most of our teenage years trying NOT to get pregnant so logically, once we threw caution to the wind it should happen fairly quick, right?.......WRONG! Here's where that title phrase made its debut appearance....."This can't be happening!" Unfortunately, it was.
So, after about a year of disappointment we sought the help of a reproductive specialist. After countless blood tests, MRI's, sonograms, surgery, numerous medications and several medical procedures we still weren't pregnant. After each failed cycle I kept thinking "this really can't be happening." The desire to become a mother had grown so strong that it took over my life. We decided to try IVF (in vitro fertilization). So, after one round and many tears I finally got my Second line! We were pregnant! Blood tests all came back normal and my first sonogram confirmed one healthy baby….or so we thought.
Cut to 10 weeks pregnant. I went to my OB for a routine sonogram. Little did I know that on this day my life would be forever changed. He placed the wand on my belly and was quietly scanning around. Then, out of nowhere he said "I need to do an internal sono, I think I hear TWO heartbeats." My initial reaction was, yep, you guessed it, "This CAN'T be happening. My Baby has TWO hearts." haha. I honestly didn't think he meant twins. I mean, I saw the sono screen. There was only ONE sac and as far as I knew it was impossible for there to be more than one baby in them. So, the internal sono began and he confirmed what he originally thought...."it's twins" he said. But his voice wasn't enthusiastic...in fact his whole demeanor changed. He excused himself from the room and said he needed to make a phone call.
After he left my husband and I tried to wrap our heads around the news we just received. I was excited yet nervous because I knew something wasn't right. When he returned he explained that I was to leave his office and immediately make an appt with the maternal-fetal medicine specialist office. He basically said that he suspected I had what is called mono-chorionic, mono-amniotic twins. I was told the next doc would explain this further.
So, of course, I didn't what anyone in the 21st century would do...I "googled" it. As I began to read the various websites that popped up I couldn’t help but think, as you probably already guessed, "This can't be happening." Information flew across the screen in a blur. Phrases such as "50% chance of survival, cord entanglement, and twin to twin transfusion syndrome" flooded my brain. It was all too much to process. I cried my eyes out for days, ok more like weeks. I emotionally detached myself from the pregnancy, which I regret today and will touch upon more later on. Friends and family were under strict orders NOT to purchase anything for the babies. A friend bought me a journal for me to write down my experiences and feelings....that journal remained blank....as I convinced myself not to do it because, well, I didn't want to remember anything if something was to go wrong (something else I totally regret today.)
Then, I decided to google "momo success stories" and again, information flew across the screen. Only this time, it was stories of other women who were in the same situation as me. Some pregnant still, some with babies in NICU, and other with older “momo” children. For the next few days, I browsed their stories and as I completed each one something in me changed. All of a sudden there was hope! I COULD be one of those women some day! So from there, I began to plan. Planned my inpatient stay, made a registry, ordered furniture and so on.
Unfortunately, at this point I began having problems unrelated to the momo diagnosis. I went into preterm labor and lost a lot of my cervix. At about 16 weeks pregnant I had a cerclage and was put on various medications to stop the contractions. I was admitted to the hospital twice for observation but allowed back home on strict bed-rest for the remainder of the journey. That was a nightmare in itself! It didn't end there. Then, my AFP test results came back stating that the twins had a 1 in 5 chance of having a chromosomal abnormality; one that would result in death immediately after they were born. "Seriously now, this really can't be happening" was all I could think. I declined any further testing as I couldn't handle any more bad news and I knew that no-matter what, I was going to do my best to get them here safely even if it was only for a few minutes.
Finally, the day had come. It was early June when I officially turned 24 weeks pregnant. This was the beginning of the inpatient portion of my journey. The next almost 6 weeks are a blur. I am not going to lie it was hard. I was still on strict bed-rest so I was confined to a hospital bed all day. I didn't have my own room so parades of women would be brought in for a few days and eventually go home with their families or a bouncing new baby in their arms. Yet, there I laid, still weeks away from uncertainty. Visitors came and went as did most of the summer. I was on continuous monitoring so not only was a stuck on my back I had three different machines attached to me at all times (two for the babies, and one for my contractions.) The highlight of my days were the 10 minutes in which I was allowed to shower. In the end however, it was more than worth it.
Now, It was August 4th and my husband had brought me a Burger King chicken sandwich just as he did every Monday night, as it was my guilty pleasure! I was enjoying my dinner when my OB busted through the door with a bunch of nurses and residents. "What is the matter with you?" he said. "Why didn't you buzz us?" I was so confused. I didn't need them...or so I thought. "Your contractions are 2 minutes apart and the babies heart rates are struggling with every contraction. It's time to get them out he said. Up to labor and delivery you go." I had no idea how to feel. I was so excited, relieved, anxious, and scared. I was only 31 weeks 6 days. I had no idea what to expect and we still didn't know if they were genetically normal. So up to L&D I went. I was prepped for surgery while I called my parents and told them the time had finally come. As I sit here and type this I can't help but tear up as this was a day that I truly never expected to see.
The only way I can describe the whole birth is surreal. As soon as the OB pulled out the boys I remember yelling over the curtain, "Are they O.K?" I will never forget his response...."Yep, they are fine and have all 20 fingers and toes!" It was at this point when I heard a little voice begin to cry and thought to myself, "This can't be happening!" Except this time, it was a happy phrase. It WAS happening. I was in such disbelief. I got to kiss them both on their heads before they were whisked away to the NICU. I couldn't believe it, they were SAFE! I knew the next few weeks would be hard as well but I didn't care...I was a MOM!
Carson Joseph was born weighing in at 4pds 1ounce and 16 ½ inches long.
Mason John was born at 3pds 15 ounces and 16 ½ inches long.
The next few weeks consisted of me recovering, preparing the nursery, going back and forth to visit the twins, and finally having a baby shower....or as I called it, my "welcome to the world Carson & Mason party"; A much more appropriate title in my opinion.
The NICU journey for us was rather uneventful. The boys suffered from the basic preemie issues such as breathing and eating. They were both jaundice and contracted a minor infection while there but it was easily treated with antibiotics. Below are some pictures from our journey.
(Above are pictures of the boys first week of life. Both are intubated here. Mason is the top picture and Carson is the bottom picture. )
After four of the longest weeks of my life the boys came home and completed our little family. They were the tiniest little angels! Shortly thereafter we were hit with the realization that they were both colic with severe acid reflux...but that's a story for another time and another blog ; ).
(Above is the boys very first picture together on the day they can home from NICU. Those are preemie onesies on them and they still look huge. Now I look at preemie clothes and cant remember them ever being that Tiny!)
That brings us to today. My boys are happy and healthy at almost 19 months old. They are up to date on all of their milestones and gaining weight like it’s their job! They are definitely all boy; running everywhere and climbing on everything. Being a multiple mom is hard but worth every single second!
So, for all the expecting momo mommies out there hang in there. Miracles CAN happen. Don't focus on the future what-ifs, focus on the now. Read to the babies, sing to them, make a registry, paint a nursery, buy some cute baby clothes, because when things DO turn out well in the end you will regret not doing it. Stay strong and always remember "Worry does not empty tomorrow of it's sorry; it empties today of it's strength."
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